He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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