Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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