Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
