where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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