how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
