I wish I could punch you in the face.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
