Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
