I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
