you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your cock deserves a montage
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
