my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
