youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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