if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
