idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
