the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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