Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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