the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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