I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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