Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize