they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
