As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
