spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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