i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need water and some morals
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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