Your face is a jimmy john
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you inspire me to be a worse person
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
