If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
