Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
