Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."