Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.