I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"