Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain