Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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