Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.