forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work