I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...