we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
