I wish I could teleport
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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