It's Friday. Sex?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
