the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
