dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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