just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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