you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
