I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
