No stitches, just platelets and will power
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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