nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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