how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
