Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
