OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
