all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
