would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
