well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
