when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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