I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
