Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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