i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
