I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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