Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
