How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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