hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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