that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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