Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
