Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't make out with my wife yet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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