They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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