PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
