Michael Bay diarrhea
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
