Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
