don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
