So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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