I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize