I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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