i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
