The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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