Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
